Pause

I've been unsure where I wanted to go with this blog for quite sometime. I knew I didn't want to quit, but I didn't want to keep it going as it was.

Pause.

And while I was paused, I came to some realizations.

This blog never turned out to be what I meant it to be. My whole life I had designs on being a writer. I never properly admitted it to anyone, but it's what I loved doing. In high school I wrote my friends letters, pages and pages long, about absolutely nothing at all. I was 15 what did I have to say? That Math was a pain in my ass I'd never use again, and so and so was super cute and why didn't he like me back? But somehow I turned that into 15 or 16 pages.

At home in my notebooks, I wrote bad poetry, and amazing poetry that I'd do horrible things just to have again, I wrote about world issues that scared me, or made me angry. I wrote about who I thought I'd grow up to be. Someone scary and alone. In an all white apartment, who wore only black and grey, who was powerful. One day I was a CEO of some company, the next a prosecuting attorney, a New York Times columnist who wrote incredibly thought provoking and poignant pieces, or an actress who was considered mildly insane by the rest of the world because I kept myself highly secluded and only gave interviews in tiny obscure coffee houses wearing oversized cream sweaters, black nails, and glasses I may or may not have needed.

But in that world I had a voice. I was someone whose thoughts and opinions mattered. I made them matter.

But at 18 I fell in love, had a baby, got married, and slowly put together a house, and a life. I did things messily, and backwards, and made mistakes and just generally had a life, and all those things that I wrote, and who I thought I'd grow up to be went away. I grew up to be someone else. Which isn't bad. I'm happy in my life, I love the messiness and watching my son grow up. I'm happy that I'm not someone scary and alone.

I stopped writing though. I stopped really writing. I tried a few times, bought notebooks, filled 15 or so pages, and then put them away as things got to busy, then forgot all about them and let years pass.

I started blogging. The beginning blog posts on this blog are long and rambling, they're not about anything deep or important. But they're there. And then as things do this slowly evolved, into what everyone else was doing. Picture posts with a few sentences here and there. Even then though I couldn't shut up. I wrote haul posts, and reviews and rambled about my day.

But this still wasn't quite what I wanted. Fashion and happy things became a misnomer. I didn't want to stand for the outfit pictures, but felt if I wanted this to be a success I had to, and my husband didn't want to take the damn photos anymore. So slowly I put it off, and then came the pause.

Then I read something that pissed me off, and I wrote one thing. One thing I was proud of. One thing I loved.

Unpause.

The Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl and You. It was the kind of thing I thought I'd someday be writing for the New York Times. A snappy response to a think piece that ended in a bit of girl power. I was happy with it, I was proud of it. I wanted to show it to everyone.

Pause. Things happened, life moved on, I turned 30, but I missed blogging. I missed writing. I missed having a voice, even if no one was listening.

There will be some changes around here, a new name, one I've had for a while and didn't know what to do with, and a lot of different things.

There will still be fashion and beauty posts but, there will be more think pieces, more responses to world topics, more book reviews. Different things, new things, me things.

Unpause.

The Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl and You

Very recently I saw this article while I was scrolling through my facebook and drinking my coffee, out of an Anthropologie cup, clearly as per the rules of being a blogger, even if I'm only a sporadic one.

not from today.

If you didn't click that link above, the article is called "The Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl: Who She Is and Why I Hater Her". Before I even read the article, I had some feelings about it, and as it turned out those only grew, because the article's title was very accurate to the actual article. No sarcasm here, the author went on to tell us exactly who the Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl is and why she hated her. Or I should say the kind of person she is, because she isn't actually one person, but instead an ideal.

the best lifestyle type blogger photo I had

The Minimalist pixie dream girls is the perfect blonde haired blue eyed life style blogger with the all white everything who graces our pinterest boards and tumblr dashes. Always simply dressed and slightly rumpled she has the ideal perfect life everyone wants....or not actually. It's an aesthetic. How that particular person chooses to represent herself to the world. She's most likely somewhere between the ages of 18-35, a young woman, who loves her life style.

Clementine would be proud

There are other kinds of pixie dream girls, the most popular being the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, this is Lux Lisbon in The Virgin Suicides, Margo Roth Spiegelmen in Papertowns, Claire in Elizabethtown and Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There are Hipster Pixie Dream Girls, and Preppy Pixie Dream Girls, and so on. I decided I'd be an Autumn Pixie Dream Girl, since my aesthetic tends to lean to the more cozy, snuggly autumnal side of things.

my most autumn pixie dream girl photo

But the thing about Pixie Dream Girls is there aren't any. She's not real, which should be clear by the words Pixie and Dream since the first isn't real and the second isn't tangible. They're a fantasy, a supposed ideal girl, someone to fetishize and fantasize about. The original Manic Pixie Dream Girl fed into the male fantasy of needing to save the damsel in distress. She was crazy and kooky and her life was a mess until the "perfect guy" came a long and fixed everything (well except in Lux Lisbon's case, but they tried!). Then he was the hero and as a reward for his heroics he got the girl.

much like I'm fantasizing about these jelly beans right now.

Hating these girls for the aesthetic the present to the world is the same as women not supporting other women. These girls are just trying to be happy and present their best version of their best selves to the world. If you find your self feeling bad about yourself and your life after looking at one of these girls photos, you need to reevaluate yourself. These girls aren't doing anything more than putting a pretty, if edited and planned, picture on the internet. So if you find yourself suffering a hulk like transformation into the green eyed monster, then you need to change your life and the way you see yourself. It's really not that hard to have an all white bedroom with laundry product advancements these days if that's what you really want. There are guides everywhere to minimalist style if that's what you want.

artfully styled bun and curated side table

But more likely you're hating them because of something else. You aren't as thin, young, feel as pretty, or as rich as these girls appear to be. Their lives look perfect and your dog just peed on your bed.

Howl would never he is a gentleman.

What you need to realize is her dog has peed on her bed too, she just owns a bottle of bleach, or the number to a really good dry cleaner. And she's a lifestyle blogger, so if you just asked she'd probably be more than happy to do a post on how to keep a white whatever white, or probably already has one. Her life isn't perfect, she's just not choosing to share that with the world. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to keep your struggles and messes private. A lot of us were raised not to air our dirty laundry in public.

taking photos of your starbucks in public is perfectly fine though

But no matter what, we as women, have to stop hating other women for having things that we don't or doing things differently than us. We need to support each other and not squabble and be petty just because someone's sofa is whiter than ours, someone's kitchen has better marble or she has better hair.

my hair was really good in this photo

We need to support each other, and open positive lines of conversation. If we find ourselves that upset over someone else's instagram or pinterest then we need to click the unfollow button and move on. Or even better stop and evaluate exactly why we're jealous of them and what we feel we're lacking, and then find away to either change it, or accept our differences.

staged photo of cute shoes and an expensive soda bought solely for this picture.

These gorgeous minimalist aesthetic photos of these girls and their homes and lives are most likely staged. They aren't real. You're real, and your life will probably never be as perfect as that pictures is. Their lives aren't as perfect as that picture is. They have bad hair days, and splotchy tans and accidentally spill their coffee on their all white sofa. But they've learned to cope with it, and they learned how to get the stain out. Or they buy a cushion to cover it up. But hating these girls, is really only showing what you're lacking, and that is confidence in yourself.

If you're wondering about the photos in this post, these are my most pixie dream girl type pictures taken from my instagram.

OOTD: Perfect Tee

Ya know I really don't remember what I was doing this day, probably grocery shopping. I'm pretty sure I was just excited it was warm enough to be wearing shorts. And this tee shirt. I got it on sale from Madewell (as I do everything I buy from there because they're super expensive), for about  $7, which is amazing.

 

Tee:Madewell, Shorts: Madewell, Flannel: PacSun

Belt: Maurices, Shoes: Converse, Necklace: DIY 

I doubt I ever mentioned it before, but Madewell makes my favorite tee shirts. Victoria's Secret is up there as one of my favorite brands for tees, but Madewell's are the best. I currently have two of them (I did have 3 but my dryer ate one) and they're my easily my most worn tees. There's just something about a great tee that you can throw on with anything and it looks and feels amazing. I've worn this tee with everything from skirts to trousers. but I adore pairing it with denim. Jeans and a tee shirt are a classic for a reason.

Makeup: Sonja Kashuk Tinted Moisturzier in fair, Colourpop Brow Pencil in Honey Blonde, Colourop eyeliner in Swerve, Colourpop Blush in Birthday Suit, Colourpop Highlighter in Monster, Colourpop Ultra Matte Lip in Midi

I saw this hairstyle on pinterest and decided I needed to try it. I was super surprised at both how easy it was, and how cute it turned out. I can't wait to do this again because I'm trying to use less heat on my hair and grow it out, and I think this will look even better once my hair gets longer. I think french and dutch braids look so cute now that my hair is blonde and there's so many different shades of blonde in my hair.

These shoes will be beat to death this summer. Well these and my white pair. Since I hurt my ankle a couple years ago I really need to be wearing hi tops about 90% of the time. And converse are easily my favorite brand of shoes. They're so versatile and I think they look better the older they get.

Mother's Day Gift Guide

Mother's Day is coming up very soon, and I know it can be hard to figure out what to get your Mother to show her exactly how much you appreciate her.

I think the best Mother's Day gifts are luxury items that she wouldn't normally buy herself, either because she has something that does the job, or because she just wouldn't buy it for herself. 

Here are my top picks for Mother's Day. Some of these things are on my own Mother's Day list, but most of my list is actually shoes.

1,2,3,4,5,6

OOTD: Tucked In

Lately I've been loving tucking my tees into my high waist jeans. I just think it looks really cute. And it's a great solution for tops you like, but seem to hit you at an awkward place.

 Top: Loft(similar), Jeans:Aeropostale, Shoes: Converse, Choker: Gift (similar)

Like this one I bought from Loft ages ago, I love it but it never seems to sit right on me unless it's tucked in. Which is a bit of a shame because it has gorgeous gold buttons at the sides. But it's just a bit to short, or a bit to long, I either like my tees to hit right at the top of my jeans for an almost cropped look, or hip length. This one hits just at pocket length on these jeans and I feel like it creates a weird silhouette. But tuck it in and that problem goes away.

 

On My Face: Sonja Kashuk Tinted Moisturizer in Fair, Colourpop Tea Party and Girl Crush Super Shock Shadows,  Rimmel Liquid eyeliner, Maybelline The Falsies Mascara, The Balm Frat Boy Blush, Colourpop Highlighter in Monster, Colourpop Gossip Lippie Stix, Maybelline Brow Drama in Soft Brown 

The choker I'm wearing is the same one I wore in this post. My husband bought it for me from a museum gift shop a couple towns over. There's an old house that's been standing since the town was built in the 1700's, and they've turned it into a museum dedicated to that time period. Obviously the choker isn't historical in anyway, but it is a very fun reminder of the day we spent there. I don't think I've ever mentioned it before, but I love history museums, even more so than art museums.


Do you have any jewelry or clothing that reminds you of a something cool or special that you've done?

OOTD: Casually Distressed

Sometimes you get an outfit idea stuck in your head, and nothing will make it go away until you wear it. I've been thinking about pairing these items together since February, and it wasn't warm enough until recently. Often these ideas for outfits I get work better in theory than they do in practice, but I was surprisingly happy with this outfit.

Outfit: Cardigan: Madewell (similar), Tee: H&M, Shorts: Target(similar), Shoes: Converse

Nails: Nails Inc Baker St. Necklace: Unknown, but I think it was forever 21.

I bought this cardigan on sale at Madewell a couple years ago, and they seriously have the best sale rack ever. I have gotten so much use out of it, and it's honestly probably my favorite cardigan I've ever owned. I'm pretty sure I just wore this outfit to go get pizza with my husband, and it worked out perfectly.

Makeup: Sonja Kashuk Tinted Moisturizer, The Balm's Frat Boy, Maybelline The Nudes Palette, Maybelline Falsies Mascara, Rimmel Eyeliner, The Balm Mary Lou Manizer Highlighter, NYX Turquoise Eyeliner used as a lip liner, Colourpop Raw Lippie Stix.

Since my outfit post on trends I wanted to try, I've been absolutely in love with ombre lips, and I'm sure I'm way behind on this trend. I used a random Turquoise eyeliner that I had, and just cut a bit off for sanitary purposes before I used it, but honestly I'm pretty sure I've never used it as a eyeliner, and then just filled in the rest with Raw by Colourpop, which I bought last year while I had blue hair.

I am absolutely obsessed with my white hi top chuck taylors. They're perfectly broken in and go so perfectly with everything. And the best part is when they start to look dirty or dingy I just toss them in the washer on delicate, and then let dry in the sun. Since I bought them they've become my most worn pair of shoes. And I think they're going to continue to be for the rest of the summer.

Spring Colourpop Cosmetics Haul

Recently I decided that I absolutely needed some new lip colors for spring. Since Colourpop is my current favorite brand for lipstick, obviously an order was placed. Of course once on the website I decided I needed to branch out a bit and try more things from the brand.
Something about Colourpop's Packaging just makes me giddy, and it's very satisfying to see it all stacked up like this:

 

First the lipcolors, it was super hard to choose because they have so many, but I finally decided on two lippie stixs in satin finishes, because I already know I love those, and then two liquid lipsticks, one in Ultra Matte one in Ultra Satin.

Lippie Stix in Rocket:

 

Which is a bright satin finish coral:

Lippie Stix in Gossip:

Which is a midtone satin finish pink:

Ultra Satin Lip in London Fog:

 Which is a Blue Toned Red:

Ultra Matte Lip in Clueless:

 Which is a Dusty Mauve Pink:

Clueless is obviously my favorite since I've already worn it here.

Then I decided on two of Colourpop's Super Shock Shadows and a Highlighter.

Super Shock Shadow in Tea Party, which is a soft peachy pink:

Super Shock Shadow in Girl Crush, which is a midtone gray:

 and Highlighter in Monster, which is a light pink opalescent duo-chrome

 Swatches from left to right: Monster, Tea Party, Girl Crush:

I am absolutely obsessed with Monster as a highlight, it doesn't look like much in the pan, but it's absolute magic once applied to the skin. It's a light pink opal-y color that is just completely gorgeous. I wasn't expecting much from it, but once I used it, it was absolute love, and I already have a list of other highlighters I want.

What are your favorite products from Colourpop.com? Or if you haven't tried anything, lemme know which products you'd like to try.